Our Identity & Our Habits: A Beautiful Love Affair…Or Not!

 

I recently shared my thoughts about student agency and how it might be enhanced simply by building good habits. In doing so, I quoted James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, who tells us that, ‘Every action we take is a vote for the person we want to become.’

Essentially then, our identity determines our habits, and our habits reinforce our identity so the two either become beautifully or dangerously entangled, depending on the habits we build.

Let’s start with a dangerous entanglement.

What if we don’t have a clear identity? Like Alice, would we come unstuck answering the Caterpillar’s question? What exactly would our habits be reinforcing?

Imagine a 15-year-old called Sasha who attends an expensive private school. Her life is structured around a rigid timetable over which she has precious little control. During the day she shuttles dutifully from lesson to lesson, punctuated by a few short breaks. After school she has basketball practice then goes straight off to volunteer at a local charity because she was told it will look good on her university application. As soon as she gets home, she has an hour of maths tutoring and then it’s time to get stuck into a mountain of homework.

Sasha’s parents push her because they care and they’re desperate for her to get into an elite university, but she is struggling. She gets bad migraines, she’s not sleeping well and she regularly ends up in screaming matches with her parents. Her friendships are also becoming increasingly volatile and unhealthy.

Is pushing Sasha in this way really in her best interests as her parents believe? Of course not. Sasha has no agency in her own life, and, like many other teenagers, it is causing her stress and anxiety at a critical stage in the brain’s development which takes place between the ages of 12-18. And this in turn can lead to long-term physical and mental health problems.

So, how can we help Sasha?

Imagine if she was instead supported to answer the Caterpillar’s question about identity with clarity and conviction. Imagine if we guided her to build the habits that will empower her with a greater sense of agency.

Pride is a powerful motivator, so supporting Sasha to determine her own identity means she is more likely to be proud of who she is. The more pride you have in your identity the more motivated you are to maintain the habits associated with it: our identity determines our habits, and our habits reinforce our identity. That once dangerous entanglement has now become beautifully so.

When I was in my early 20s, I sustained a bad injury while skiing that necessitated a long recovery period. The result was that I gained quite a lot of weight and subsequently lost all motivation to look after myself and keep fit. My identity became that of a person who was unhealthy, driven by bad habits like lack of exercise, a poor diet and laziness. I was stuck in a vicious cycle whereby my habits and my identity reinforced one another.

In order to break the cycle, I had to change my identity. Instead of setting myself a vague goal such as losing weight or getting fit, I set my mind on becoming a runner. I then built the habits that were associated with that identity.

Even though the extra weight I gained has long since been shifted, I still run and I still go to the gym. That’s because it’s now a part of my identity that I’m proud of and I don’t want to relinquish.

When we live life with a secure sense of self, underpinned by clearly defined values, it acts like an anchor in stormy seas and suddenly everything becomes a little less chaotic. We can then be deliberate in deciding upon the habits that will serve our identity best, and when you consider that between 40-50% of the actions we take each day are done out of habit that’s a great foundation to work from.

As an educator of over 20 years, I can’t help but wonder why more schools aren’t tapping into this. It wouldn’t be a huge undertaking to spend time with students unpacking their core values and defining their why, then teaching them the science of how habits work so they can deliberately build ones that will reinforce their identity.

From this flows self-worth and resilience and once Sasha has these two things in check, she’s fast tracking her way to a successful life, a life over which she has agency and choice, a life that is built on a foundation of great habits. Day in, day out, she is taking vote after vote for the person she wishes to become, and I for one am backing her to get there.